Fault vs. Responsibility
Not My Fault!
“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” (Iyanla Vanzant) Assigning fault to someone else is a practice most of us learned very early on in life. As young children, whenever getting into trouble, we were quick to declare, “It was not my fault.” I am sure, as you have gotten older, you have had painful, challenging experiences that have not been your fault; however, they continue to affect you even years later. What you endured was very real, and in some cases, detrimental to both your physical and emotional health. I never want to be guilty of minimizing anyone’s experiences because what happened to you, happened to you. The thought process I want to interrupt in this conversation is your behaving as if what happened to you is still happening to you. The perpetrator can no longer hurt you, and the environment no longer exists, but you are still angry about what should or should not have happened. There are varying degrees of hurt, and those most egregious may require therapy or counseling of some sort. Whatever it takes for you to operate from a healed place, you need to do, because you can’t conquer what you are unwilling to confront.
Who Is Responsible?
When we make other people responsible for our wholeness and healing, we relinquish our power and continue to be a victim. “The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” (Steve Maraboli) When we continue to rehearse a story of victim-hood, whether audibly or mentally, we can never get to a place of freedom, where healing lives. There are people in your present, paying for the behaviors of people from your past. You cannot change what happened to you, but you can change how you respond to it going forward. The pain of your past can become fuel for your future. You are responsible for creating the life you want to live and the positive connections that you make in your present.
No More Excuses!
“Not looking for excuses is the right thing to do. I have made a lot of mistakes, and I still make mistakes, but I am not ashamed to look for the reasons behind those mistakes.” (Gianluigi Buffon) Excuses are a very easy out and require no real effort. An excuse is something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused. People use excuses to rationalize behaviors and choices that are usually convenient and self-serving. We are all guilty of making excuses at times in our lives. Some have been harmless, but some have acted as a barrier keeping us both hindered and helpless. There may be some element of truth to our excuses, but excuses do not make us accountable. Regardless of people’s ability to accept it, tell your truth. Owning my truth is something that I am working very hard to practice daily. If I do not want to do it, I am not. It’s just no. No excuses. If it doesn’t work for me, it just doesn’t. These responses speak to choice.
“Conscious choices in support of one’s vision will bring desired changes into manifestation. (Iyanla Vanzant) Instead of making excuses, we need to make conscious choices. Your choices should align with your purpose. We have been so conditioned to accommodate the feelings of others, that we have numbed ourselves to the void we feel when we do not live in our truth. I find lately that anytime I go against my conscious choice, to address someone else’s want, I end up miserable and agitated, at the least. Here is a great mantra: “I am OK, with you not being OK, with my conscious choices.” Wrong, right or indifferent, own it! This is about the adult behavior of accountability and responsibility.
Designing the life you were created to live, will require identifying your strengths and weaknesses, consistently speaking your truth, and being intentional about your choices. God has given you dreams and visions concerning your purpose. It’s time for you to wake up and live them!
Until next time... Be empowered!