𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱𝔂!
What does it mean to see yourself as worthy? It means to see the value in you and deem yourself as important. I speak and write a lot about mindfulness and practicing self-awareness. Our ego keeps us unaware of how unworthy we see and treat ourselves. We tell ourselves we are ok; we are making it and have some semblance of being in control. Our to-do lists get checked off, for the most part, we show up for others faithfully and we are viewed as hard workers. Of course, all this adds up to us feeling worthy. Right? The busyness we commit to is usually a telltale sign that we are trying to outrun our feelings of unworthiness. Our doing is the validation we subconsciously use to counter feelings of inadequacy. One of my coworkers, who I consider a wise sage, shared with me a “truth” from one of her elders. She advised me that we are not "human doers" we are "human beings.” I thought that was pretty clever and profound. Doing more is seen, as a badge of honor but "being" is more fruitful. Who do you need to be to feel satisfied with your life?
For me, as a mother, I felt a sense of accomplishment when I did things for my children. It is how I thought I showed them love; until the doing became too much. I found myself angry and emotionally exhausted trying to do and make up for others not doing. It made me feel as though I was failing as a parent and it fueled my subconscious feeling of unworthiness. The belief that I had to "do" in order to earn the validation of others was detrimental to my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. It wasn't until after my children became adults that I understood that I just needed "to be" their mother. All they really wanted, was for me to show up and be present for them. This revelation came when I actually began to show up for myself. I started to make myself a priority and treat myself as if I was important. It became clear that I could not give what I did not have. We often try "to do" on fumes when we need "to be" on a full tank. Most of us buy into the superhero syndrome, but I have retired my cape. I find that I am more effective to those I love and care about being an example of a self-aware person, then trying to fix what is wrong. I have enough to do trying to get and stay clear about who I am supposed to be and making sure, I execute my purpose.
The ego causes us to resist the truth necessary to free ourselves from the prison of feeling unworthy. It is almost like an addiction we need to keep feeding because we don't want to deal with feelings of withdrawal after existing this way for so long. However, if we want to break the chains of inadequacy that weighs us down, then we have to endure the painful and uncomfortable self-work required for liberation. What does the self-work entail? For one, it requires that you make full use of the word "no.” Why do we keep dishing out resentful yeses? You knew you didn't want to do it before you heard the entire request come out of the requester's mouth and yet you still said yes. Why? “I want to be liked.” “I feel obligated in some way.” “I don't want anyone to see my cape slipping.” I could go on but it all rolls up into your not feeling important enough to guard your time and see it as sacred. Trust me; a fellow self-aware being will always understand your "no" without further explanation.
𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮!
Secondly, you are going to need to change the story you tell about yourself and others. The tape you play in your head is not only based on old information, but it is also unproductive. For a long time, I allowed my past relationships with people to hold me hostage in my present. I was stuck in the movies of my past that allowed these toxic beings to exist freely in my present whether physically or just mentally. We especially do this with relatives. I learned something a long time ago. You have to let people be who they are where they are. This means you can’t do anything to change another person and you can't move them from where they are mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, if they don't want to go. It may hurt to accept this, but it is liberating once you do. You don't have to sacrifice yourself trying to love them. Love them from afar. Love them on their level, but do not allow it to hinder your evolution. You will need to start every day affirming that you are where you need to be and who you need to be in the moment, and no past involvements can change that. All of it is a part of your journey to what is next in your life. God never wastes opportunities to get you to your divine destination, which includes your life's purpose.
Lastly, self-compassion is essential. Just as you are loving, kind, and comforting to those around you in need, you have to increase your ability to be compassionate toward yourself. Think about all the loving nurturing advice you dole out to others. Now think about how much of that advice you take for yourself. If you are honest, you are usually harder on yourself then you are on the people you love and care for. You have to see yourself as deserving of patience, kindness, and understanding; sprinkled with a heaping portion of grace. This demonstration of self-love is what keeps you moving forward and fosters peace and resilience from within. It is what replenishes you when you are feeling depleted. This practice takes effort on your part because you are overhauling a behavior that has been in place for a long time. It is usually learned behavior but it is reversible if you start by replacing unproductive habits with acts of diligence and intentionality.
𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙉𝙤!
Incorporating a full sense of worthiness in your life after years of questioning it, will be challenging at first; but know you are able to perfect anything you are willing to practice. The potency of your "no" will strengthen as you use it. Your stories will become affirming and productive as you avoid anything toxic. Your authentic love for yourself will grow rapidly as your self-compassion grows. Although this may seem like overwhelming work, remember you are seen as valuable to God and worth all of the effort.
Until the next time... Be empowered!